I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
