I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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