Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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