i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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