I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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