K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
