Apparently you make a good broom.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
