my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
