Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
