i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
