I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
