rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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