I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
