It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
