You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
