come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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