your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i came on her dog
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
