no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
