Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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