alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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