Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
