Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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