therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
