I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
