I bet he comes in French.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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