He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
