So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
