i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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