Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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