I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
...so i touched it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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