its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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