i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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