In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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