you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
