My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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