I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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