All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
