you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
