how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
