youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
