Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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