I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
