Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a search helicopter?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
