Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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