I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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