Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
