Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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