i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
