Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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