we made out on top of his cat.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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