My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
