he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
