kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
