I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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