sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
