Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Two words: nipple clamps
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