you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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