did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need a beard to bite.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
