Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
