We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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