Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
