I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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