i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize