Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
