so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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