ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
