So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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